The cacophony of Interweb, TV, and radio chatter leading up to Inauguration tomorrow is almost too much for my sensitive earsies. But if one thing stands out as sure to be deafeningly patriotic AND queer then it’s Barack and Michelle’s first dance as America’s First Heteros. The two lucky lovebirds will be treated to what is certain to be a spectacularly over-achieving serenade by none other than America’s most-beloved warbling drag queen Sasha Fierce.

Warning: first dance song may contain traces of nuts

That’s right, our very own woman-dressed-as-a-man-dressed-as-a-woman Dream Girl will be singin’ for the Obamas! The angels in heaven will screech in orgasmic bliss as the Inaugural Ball(s) walls reverberate with the sound. Tremolooooooooo! If I were a boy, I would go take a celebratory piss and spell out the words “House of Dereon” in the snow!

Apparently there’s even a little bit of the requisite dramarrrrr surrounding her appearance, ’cause the Inaugurators wanted to keep the song a secret and then precious Beybey herself let it slip that she will be singing Etta James’ “At Last” for the dance. OMG Oscar will be buzzin’ like a motherfuckin’ bumblebee after hearing that one.

Homophobes, you can have all the Rick Warren you want! Everyone loves Beyonce and she belongs to the QUEERS. So don’t hate! If you like it then you shoulda put a CROWN ON IT, bitches!

Adam and Eve in the Garden of Eden — the world’s first love story, PSYCH!

The initial disorientation surrounding the announcement that Bishop Gene Robinson would give the invocation at the first inaugural event has already been mentioned. See Gays and womenz at inauguration, oh my!

Now, given the inauguration excitemundo and the circumstances surrounding the actual address, a follow-up seems necessary.

First, the faboo Rachel Maddow offered her thoughts on the situation and scored an exclusive interview with the delightful Bishop Robinson:

They’re both wicked smahties.

And then, holy shit, Rick Warren said something nice?!

Then, Bishop Robinson offered his prayer at the Lincoln Memorial to begin the “We Are One” concert on Sunday, January 18th. Dunh dunh DUNH. AND NO ONE HEARD IT!

Now, this event was no small deal. The concert was teeming with Hollywood celebrities (Hollywood is crawling with homophiles!) and top 40 musicians and broadcast on the HBO. And, like, everyone’s Facebook status was all “XYZ is watching the Inauguration events on HBO sadflkjsa;ldkfjasl;difusliduf.”

Funny, innit then, that no one saw Bishop Robinson’s invocation? Indeed, his words were not broadcast on HBO nor were they, apparently, on the speakers at the Lincoln Memorial! See here: Say what?

Then there were countless hours of Interwebs moaning and crying and complaining. Where is the video? We wants the video! We love Gene Robinson! HBO hates the gays! Rick Warren blows big goat chunks!

Then good dubie Christian blogger Sarah Pulliam posted her video of the invocation (phew!) along with her commentary and photos:

Watch the video and hear the invocation here:

Thank you, Christian soldierette!

This was followed by more Interwebs hair-tearing and infuriation. But it still wasn’t on the HBO! It’s a vast right-wing, Obama-team conspiracy! snifflesnifflesniffle. Hate hate HATE!

And then there was an apology from The Inaugurators: PIC says “Duh duh duh sorry duh duh duh”

And now, Ben Smith from Politico says that all might be made right with the world, and they’ll rebroadcast it, and OMG Ben we love you?! Ben Smith tots wrote that PIC will have a “do-over” broadcast on the Mall! The gays love malls!

It’s all too much! IT’S ALL TOO MUCH!!!

Patricia Araujo, the show-stopping travesti runway stomper, recently closed out Rio’s main annual fashion event to oodles of press coverage. (Get a little education and read about the difference between travestis and transformistas.) Read more about Patricia’s triumph and joyful ascent to fame here: “Transgender model steals the show in Fashion Rio,” Associated Press
Yippee!!

Here’s a video of Patricia stomping, followed by a number of interviews in Portuguese:

Parabens, Patricia! Muito bem feito! We wish you all the best.

We have already seen that the gays got some lip action and then some pretend sex action on As The World Turns. (See As The Anus Turns vol. 1 and vol. 2) Not to be outdone, Guiding Light recently offered its own feeble attempt at a girlie-girlie smooch. Note: you need to cross your eyes and hum loudly past the inane dialogue to just after the one minute mark to get to the “action.” Lesbians and their fucking feelings, blah blah blah.

YAWN. After that dousing with clammy water, my labia are too apathetic to say much about this. The LEAST that Guiding Light could have done is offer the heavy breathing, two-seconds-to-orgasm-lesbian-under-the-jeans-finger-fuck rate of the L Word. Nap time.

Thank you to LUSH Emotibombs for making us wanna get too dirrty to clean our act up by creating a soap with the following description:

“Cheeky ginger-scented fun in the shower
Going green is near and dear to our hearts so something like Sex in the Shower that encourages people to share the shower and conserve water is a very fine thing indeed. As the warm water touches its surface, wafts of sensual ginger entwine themselves around you. Reach for a bar of soap and wash your partner all over; just remember to turn the water off while you’re in a lather. It’s important to act responsibly in the shower.”

Sex In the Shower Emotibomb

We can’t wait to try it! Gonna get rowdy, gonna get a little unruly, get it fired up in a hurry…

This product is definitely promising. What say you folks, have you tried it?! It’s even vegan and you know whatever else is in your shower ain’t vegan!

On this Martin Luther King Day, one day before the historic inauguration of the United States’ first president of color, I encourage everyone to also remember Dr. King’s wife, Coretta Scott King, who died almost exactly two years ago.

Refusing to rest on her laurels, Mrs. King became an outspoken advocate of gay rights, for which she was heavily criticized by many conservative members of the African American and Christian communities.  Mrs. King, however, believed strongly that it was a distortion of her husband’s cause to celebrate him from the same pulpits and podiums which were, on other days, used to spread homophobic messages.

Here is one of my favorite quotations from Mrs. King:

Homophobia is like racism and anti-Semitism and other forms of bigotry in that it seeks to dehumanize a large group of people, to deny their humanity, their dignity and personhood. This sets the stage for further repression and violence that spread all too easily to victimize the next minority group. (Chicago Defender, 1 April 1998)

To read more about what Coretta Scott King had to say on the subject of gay rights, check out Soulforce’s excellent website.

So, as you know, bigots around the country were more than happy to contribute their money and time to help pass Proposition Hate in California (banning gay marriage)–which, I might add, even after all of those resources, still only passed by a margin of 1%.

It turns out that, in California, the name and address of anyone who contributes more than $100 to a campaign is public record.  Well, some homos had the brilliant idea to publish this information on Google maps so that everyone could know which of their friends, neighbors and local businessmen were in fact backstabbing fuckfaces.  You know, the kind who say things like, “I’m not homophobic, I just think marriage should be between a man and a woman.”

Well, guess what, princess:  Yes, you ARE homophobic.  And now, we know who you are.

But here’s the best part.  Now these fuckfaces have filed to have the public record of Prop. Hate supporters suppressed because they claim a) it diminishes their right to free speech and b) they are experiencing harassment and discrimination.

Well, doesn’t THAT fucking take the cake.  I thought that the gays were experiencing harassment and discrimination because WE ARE DENIED THE SAME LEGAL RIGHTS AS EVERYONE ELSE.  But I guess I got it all wrong.  The bigots really have it hard.  Boo hoo.

Furthermore, while the Constitution does guarantee the right to free speech–free speech does not mean free of consequences.

To conclude, please send lions.  We have an idiot problem.

Marriage Ban Donors Feel Exposed by List - NYTimes.com.

Incoming Press Secretary Gibbs has announced that Obama will overturn Don’t Ask Don’t Tell, allowing gays to serve openly in the military.  Now, I’ve made no secret of the fact that I think one of the BEST things about being gay is not having to worry about being in the military, so I have seriously mixed feelings about this.

More to the point:  Two months ago, I would have never dreamed I’d be accusing Obama of stoking the culture wars to distract from more important things.  And yet, here we are, and I’m…. concerned.  If this is really about gay rights, then great, I guess (although I can think of a bunch of gay rights much higher on my list of priorities).  But, you know, beggers can’t be choosers.  On the other hand, if this is just another case of trotting out the gays to take the heat off the hard shit–then that’s lame, Mr. Obama.  Very lame.

FOXNews.com - Obama to End Military’s ‘Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell’ Policy