There is always some gay in a three-way. It’s a mathematical fact. So why don’t you install some soft pleasant light for a hard pleasurable three-way tonight?

Satisfaction guaranteed

Victoria Beckham on the cover of Russian Vogue, February 2009

Warning: may contain traces of nuts

Ms. magazine’s special Inaugural issue has outed Obama!

I heart that Barack and Michelle seem totally hot for girl power. Only time will tell how that plays out in the administration… but since women’s rights so often come packaged with LGBT rights, it’s time to get to it! Now, if only the Prez and First Lady would pose for the fantasy magazine cover that I have in mind… let’s just say it would bring new meaning to the phrase “terrorist fist bump”…

This is a cool attempt to educate folks about LGBT rights and the organization is Facebookin’ their message to the maximus. Click it click it CLICK IT!: http://www.equalitymatters.org/

Educate for Equality

The cacophony of Interweb, TV, and radio chatter leading up to Inauguration tomorrow is almost too much for my sensitive earsies. But if one thing stands out as sure to be deafeningly patriotic AND queer then it’s Barack and Michelle’s first dance as America’s First Heteros. The two lucky lovebirds will be treated to what is certain to be a spectacularly over-achieving serenade by none other than America’s most-beloved warbling drag queen Sasha Fierce.

Warning: first dance song may contain traces of nuts

That’s right, our very own woman-dressed-as-a-man-dressed-as-a-woman Dream Girl will be singin’ for the Obamas! The angels in heaven will screech in orgasmic bliss as the Inaugural Ball(s) walls reverberate with the sound. Tremolooooooooo! If I were a boy, I would go take a celebratory piss and spell out the words “House of Dereon” in the snow!

Apparently there’s even a little bit of the requisite dramarrrrr surrounding her appearance, ’cause the Inaugurators wanted to keep the song a secret and then precious Beybey herself let it slip that she will be singing Etta James’ “At Last” for the dance. OMG Oscar will be buzzin’ like a motherfuckin’ bumblebee after hearing that one.

Homophobes, you can have all the Rick Warren you want! Everyone loves Beyonce and she belongs to the QUEERS. So don’t hate! If you like it then you shoulda put a CROWN ON IT, bitches!

Adam and Eve in the Garden of Eden — the world’s first love story, PSYCH!

The initial disorientation surrounding the announcement that Bishop Gene Robinson would give the invocation at the first inaugural event has already been mentioned. See Gays and womenz at inauguration, oh my!

Now, given the inauguration excitemundo and the circumstances surrounding the actual address, a follow-up seems necessary.

First, the faboo Rachel Maddow offered her thoughts on the situation and scored an exclusive interview with the delightful Bishop Robinson:

They’re both wicked smahties.

And then, holy shit, Rick Warren said something nice?!

Then, Bishop Robinson offered his prayer at the Lincoln Memorial to begin the “We Are One” concert on Sunday, January 18th. Dunh dunh DUNH. AND NO ONE HEARD IT!

Now, this event was no small deal. The concert was teeming with Hollywood celebrities (Hollywood is crawling with homophiles!) and top 40 musicians and broadcast on the HBO. And, like, everyone’s Facebook status was all “XYZ is watching the Inauguration events on HBO sadflkjsa;ldkfjasl;difusliduf.”

Funny, innit then, that no one saw Bishop Robinson’s invocation? Indeed, his words were not broadcast on HBO nor were they, apparently, on the speakers at the Lincoln Memorial! See here: Say what?

Then there were countless hours of Interwebs moaning and crying and complaining. Where is the video? We wants the video! We love Gene Robinson! HBO hates the gays! Rick Warren blows big goat chunks!

Then good dubie Christian blogger Sarah Pulliam posted her video of the invocation (phew!) along with her commentary and photos:

Watch the video and hear the invocation here:

Thank you, Christian soldierette!

This was followed by more Interwebs hair-tearing and infuriation. But it still wasn’t on the HBO! It’s a vast right-wing, Obama-team conspiracy! snifflesnifflesniffle. Hate hate HATE!

And then there was an apology from The Inaugurators: PIC says “Duh duh duh sorry duh duh duh”

And now, Ben Smith from Politico says that all might be made right with the world, and they’ll rebroadcast it, and OMG Ben we love you?! Ben Smith tots wrote that PIC will have a “do-over” broadcast on the Mall! The gays love malls!

It’s all too much! IT’S ALL TOO MUCH!!!

Patricia Araujo, the show-stopping travesti runway stomper, recently closed out Rio’s main annual fashion event to oodles of press coverage. (Get a little education and read about the difference between travestis and transformistas.) Read more about Patricia’s triumph and joyful ascent to fame here: “Transgender model steals the show in Fashion Rio,” Associated Press
Yippee!!

Here’s a video of Patricia stomping, followed by a number of interviews in Portuguese:

Parabens, Patricia! Muito bem feito! We wish you all the best.

We have already seen that the gays got some lip action and then some pretend sex action on As The World Turns. (See As The Anus Turns vol. 1 and vol. 2) Not to be outdone, Guiding Light recently offered its own feeble attempt at a girlie-girlie smooch. Note: you need to cross your eyes and hum loudly past the inane dialogue to just after the one minute mark to get to the “action.” Lesbians and their fucking feelings, blah blah blah.

YAWN. After that dousing with clammy water, my labia are too apathetic to say much about this. The LEAST that Guiding Light could have done is offer the heavy breathing, two-seconds-to-orgasm-lesbian-under-the-jeans-finger-fuck rate of the L Word. Nap time.

Thank you to LUSH Emotibombs for making us wanna get too dirrty to clean our act up by creating a soap with the following description:

“Cheeky ginger-scented fun in the shower
Going green is near and dear to our hearts so something like Sex in the Shower that encourages people to share the shower and conserve water is a very fine thing indeed. As the warm water touches its surface, wafts of sensual ginger entwine themselves around you. Reach for a bar of soap and wash your partner all over; just remember to turn the water off while you’re in a lather. It’s important to act responsibly in the shower.”

Sex In the Shower Emotibomb

We can’t wait to try it! Gonna get rowdy, gonna get a little unruly, get it fired up in a hurry…

This product is definitely promising. What say you folks, have you tried it?! It’s even vegan and you know whatever else is in your shower ain’t vegan!