I have been crushing on Kate Winslet since… oh, forever. She chooses such delicious roles, she acts them so incredibly well, and AI AI AI!, her gorgeous eyes, her silky smooth skin, her curves, her curves, her CURVES!

I wasn’t at all surprised when I saw the following interview with Lady O: [insert overdone Oprah and Gayle lesbian joke here. For the record, Oprah, I adore you. You just go ahead and be your bad self!]

Once again, Oprah, you know all of my favorite things!

OHHH to be Leonardo DiCaprio and interact with those beautiful, REAL breasts on the most romantic sinking ship EVER! To caress them and cherish them in all their magnificence in boring, mindless suburbia… what a fool I would be not to run away with them to Paris! Sweet dreams, tell me what would it feel like? What would it SOUND like?

And then my answer came:

YES YES YES! Oh, glorious sound! I’m King of the WORLD!