Talk about timing!  This week, at long last, Noah and Luke–everyone’s favorite daytime gays from As The World Turns–finally, after almost two years of “waiting for the right time,” finally got their shit together and bumped uglies.

Or, I mean, I guess they did….

As I concluded in my previous post on As The Anus Turns, mainstream America insists that all gay love take place off-screen.  So what we actually see is some kissing, removing of shirts, and then…. cut to commercial!  The next thing we know, the boys are emerging, post coitus, from the bathroom.

To be honest, after waiting this long, I’m not even entirely convinced that Noah and Luke KNOW what to do.  The show basically portrays them as Ken dolls–handsome, impeccably coifed, plasticine, full of romantic feelings, but functionally castrated.

On the one hand, I give As The Anus Turns credit for portraying young gay male characters in a way which does not pathologize their emotional lives.  Nonetheless, I think that Noah and Luke are in many ways disturbingly Victorian:  The extent to which they are full of “fine sentiments” serves to sanitize and disguise the fact that gay sexuality is a sexuality.  By making gay sex something from which the viewer’s gaze must be averted, it implies that this perfectly healthy (and, in Noah’s and Luke’s case, loving) act is shameful.

So call me medieval, but until I see the bloodied sheet, I will not be convinced that they didn’t just play with each other’s hair.

Oh, and speaking of hair, the post-coital scene highlights two gay superpowers: Namely, the ability to shower while wearing pants; and second, the ability to emerge from a shower fully blow-dried.

Observe: